April 2009
March 2009
Watch Requiem for a Dream on Hulu →
And you will never want to do drugs EVER (again).
(via movieoftheweek)
fmylife:
Today, I found out that driving five miles an hour under the posted speed limit is “suspicious” and cause for a field sobriety test, breathalyzer, having your car searched and being handcuffed on the side of the road. FML
fmylife:
Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said “Do you believe in Jesus?” FML
fmylife:
Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML
“There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The...”
– John Rogers at Kung Fu Monkey, via Daily Kos (via Balloon Juice) (via hereblog)
fmylife:
Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He’s her dad. FML
fmylife:
Today, I read Stephanie Meyer’s book ‘Twilight’ and enjoyed it. FML
“James Dean taught me not to speed, River Phoenix taught me not to DO speed, and...”
– Emile Hirsch (via chuckiefinster)
Watch…There are no words.
Reggie and the Full Effect, “Thanx For...
She doesn't have a dick! FLML
(via flovemylife)
fmylife:
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I undressed and then proceeded to throw up all over the rug. FML
fmylife:
Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck, she then turns around and says “Tell my room mate I’m having an asthma attack.” FML
fmylife:
Today, at lunch, my sister decided to come out to my parents. She said, “Mom, can you please pass the salad to a homosexual?” My mom passed the salad to me. FML
En route to Maryland via megabus. You can’t go wrong when you’re rockin’ the ‘Heed.
-gi
Monster Java is the nastiest shit EVER.
